It’s long been acknowledged, by local historians, that I was solely responsible for transforming the 3rd Clydebank Cub Scouts, from the shambling, soft-toy-cuddling crowd of pansies that I met on Day#1, into a streetwise, neo-Marxist, paramilitary unit.
By changing our name to ‘The Shining Path of Boyle Street’, we went on to sell more programmes than anyone else, in the entire history of The Singers’ Games. We then gave all the resulting proceeds and wooden thre’pennies to the poor and starving of Linnvale.
Then, quite suddenly, following an emotional fracas with my ‘Sixer’, when we’d only just failed , with a pocket full of old pennies,to de-rail The Last Auchenshuggle and also to simultaneously lead a successful coup against an ideologically weakened Akela, a long brewing struggle, namely his Fidel to my Guevara, finally came to a head.
That night, with a heavy heart,I said goodbye to my ‘men’ and set off for the jungles of Dalmuir; an area which, in those days, was still relatively, and happily, free of trans-fatty acid residues. I stole lead off church roofs, to fund the publishing of my pamphlets, and in one show of bravado arrived at the scrappy’s with the hour hand from Singers Clock.
– Dropped my tin of spelling letters in an unusual moment of carelessness. The words therein, spilling out in the particular order that they did, immediately revealed to the authorities that I must be be cognizant with, at the very least, Satan.
Tied to a stake, a certain Doctor Lawson was then my cruel inquisitor. As he told me yet another story about the travails of Wee Willie, I screamed from boredom, asking him to stop, and swore that one day I would get a photograph and exact my revenge.
1960 Linnvale – Now north of the canal, my horizons widened. I was expelled for dosing the school milk, with LSD, at Easter Parade.
Several children were immediately hospitalised. Some of them; Willie Wilson, Gazebo etc. never actually made it ‘all the way back’ and, to this day, still talk to their giant rabbits about the size and price of chocolate eggs!
– Didn’t like the look of the menu for School Dinners at Drumry.
However, not before appropriating the school’s impressive Meccano set and building and stealing a new full scale mobile demolition device.
– a heated dispute regarding the interpretation of the rules concerning the Sack Race at Sports Day saw me wave farewell to Mr Conkie for the second and final time. Quit!
– Didn’t attend class too often, to be honest. Instead I elected to play pinochle and smoke cigars with my cronies. Many happy days spent in a canal-side cabin close to the Dumbarton Road bridge reading Parade, Mayfair and The Adventures of Dan Dare. Kept the authorities in the dark, by chalking daily scriptures on a roadside blackboard for all to see.
1964 Goldenhill – passed myself of as a Seer, predicting that one day the Kilbowie ‘crossroads’ would mutate into ‘an Island’.
One playtime, I got over enthusiastic and ran amok with my Drumry Meccano creation. Expelled!!!
1965 Edinbarnet – Actually too embarrassed to talk about this one. After this incident it was a rendition flight to the High School. Things were never the same!