Category Archives: Friends and Family

Two Against Nature

While Lambert & Davidson discuss the finer nuances of the Becker/Fagan back catalogue, at half time, they unwittingly pay tribute to Two Against Nature.

A Thursday Letter to a Man in Forres and some Canadian cousins

YES

Donald,

My country hosts probably the most politically informed people on the planet, at the moment. We’ve been building up to today, Thursday, now, for over two years. It is the sole topic of conversation, everywhere you go – with an incredible 97% voter registration! Take a bow, Scotland, you deserve it.

Teenage kids can talk you through the finer points of the Shengen Agreement, while OAPs in pubs ponder the likely yield of bonds in a future IndyScotland scenario. Taxi drivers, meanwhile, have long forsaken the seemingly permanent downturn in form of Partick Thistle, as a conversation of choice.
It is extremely disappointing then, that the arrogance and ignorance of the political classes, and in turn the relevant media outlets, have until very, very recently kept the English voters in the dark about what is happening, here. As a result there will, no doubt be some, perhaps understandable, arising resentment from certain quarters, while the more enlightened will realise what’s afoot.

The current neck and neck situation in the polls wasn’t ever meant to arise, you know.
The men in suits didn’t see our mobilisation taking place until it was almost too late

An extended period of patronising condescension came to an extremely abrupt end, last weekend, when Westminster suddenly realised (visibility of the early postal votes, I guess) that ‘these Mad Jocks might just pull this Independence nonsense off. This wasn’t in our plan, Jeremy!’.

For a short while, those absolutely ‘hysterical’ (oh my sides) gags about Mel Gibson, Susan Boyle, Woad, Groats and deep fried Mars Bars were put aside while a strategy, for want of a better description, was hastily cobbled together.

The result was a curious cross between a charm offensive and gun boat diplomacy. The leaders of Government and Opposition abandoned Prime Ministers Questions and motored, somewhat smartly, North, in an attempt to quell the uprising.

When asked on the Wednesday about this ‘kneejerk reaction’, a spokesman refuted this as ‘absolute nonsense’ and that it had been arranged on the Monday afternoon. Ah, that would be only twenty four hours earlier, you mean?
This is the sort of contempt that these people hold the Scottish electorate in.
I actually missed who actually made that remark, as I was too busy looking for those buttons up the back of my head!

Let me get this quite straight, this campaign is NOT purely about the SNP and Scotland’s First Minister Alex Salmond, as many would have you believe. However, it has indeed long been in the interests of the ‘Better Together/No Thanks/Whatever-they’re-called-this-week’ campaign to scare some Scottish voters by misrepresenting the Yes campaign as wholly an SNP project. I repeat, and I know that you know, it is not.
The YES campaign is a nationwide movement and is a very broad church of some 350 independent smaller campaign groups with wildly differing agendas. The Radical Independence Campaign should be applauded, it has done an absolutely  magnificent job in energising and galvanising the disenfranchised across the land.

And you will already be aware that we are NOT the anti-English racists that the likes of an increasingly flapping John Reid would have you believe. I can assure you!
That man is little more than a Ninnyhammer!!!

If we Scots are, indeed, all ‘junkie benefit abusers and spongers’, that’s another cute term that I’ve encountered more than once recently (as well as the ‘Marxist Fenian’ one), and are apparently such a huge fiscal drain on the rest of the Union then exactly why is there this great reluctance to let us go? It can have nothing to do with a fondness for Midge Ure’s seemingly tireless charity work or a general Anglo-Saxon ‘mass nostalgia’ for The White Heather Club, can it?

Well, maybe but probably not, it’s quite simple, it’s because we are extremely resource rich (go ask the Financial Times) not to mention our unique and enviable geostrategic position in the North Atlantic. Also, Scotland is a far bigger exporter than is currently being acknowledged. I wasn’t aware until very recently that all Whisky, foodstuffs and tweeds etc. leaving the ports of our wee archipelago in the part known as England are then subsequently reclassified by Whitehall bean counters as ‘English’. Cute, eh!

No, I believe this week’s big event could well be a shining, shimmering, summoning beacon for the sort of social democratic change that the Left has been aspiring towards, for some time.

I sincerely hope, and believe, that we can be ‘The Inspiration’ (trademark pending), demonstrating a seriously viable alternative that others in England might copy, in order to escape the fiscal ruin that the City of London is continuously pushing, or is it pulling?, the remainder of the country towards.

‘What happens when the oil runs out?’ many nay-saying BT campaigners query, when not making inappropriate comment on Sturgeon’s hair or Salmond’s waistline or wife.
Well, exactly how would voting NO make any difference to that?
Personally, I would hope we leave it all in the ground and, meanwhile, forge ahead with both hydro and tidal generation (Solar can be somewhat problematic in our climate). The Greens are already committed to heavily developing renewables in the early years of said independence.

A fairly common and damning epithet for ‘No Thanks’ has been ‘risk averse’. I would take issue with that, turn it on his head and then suggest that the FAR bigger risk is in Scotland remaining in the UK. The current debt is astronomical (£1,286 billion). The next bank crash could well do for us. Bang Deid!
Bank ‘disturbances’ generally come around in a nine year cyclic phase, so the next should be with us in around three years.

UK plc is broken big time, it’s going to hell in a hand basket, both politically and fiscally. It’s fucked, simple as that and I’m surprised at some friends and colleagues that don’t recognize this. But hey ho!

And yes we’re all quite aware that it’s going to be painful in the short term and, Doh!, yes we know it’s forever, thanks Ms Rowling.
To some that’s exactly the appeal!

Despite what Lamont tells us, it’s lies. The NHS in Scotland is exposed by budget cuts down south and this will only be accelerated and worsen when the UK signs up for TTIP (Transatlantic Trade and Investment Partnership). Check out Virgin Health on Google!

What we’ve recently witnessed then, is an overt exercise in continuous demoralisation in every single sentence voiced from Darling (remember him?), Lamont and the Better Together camp. It’s deckchair moving on the Titanic. I have not heard one utterance that even temporarily convinced me that they may well be correct. It has always appeared to me to be a stance of avarice and venality expounded by Parliamentarians who are now quickly realising they’ve been rumbled and, regardless of the poll, will soon be only so much dead meat.
The really unfortunate thing is that they’ve convinced so many others to join them on the downward spiral.
Bring it on!

Hey Donnie, that’s me finished now, fancy a beer?

‘No Thanks’ voters, remind me never to sit in a burning house with you.
On current form you’d continue to sit there saying it’s raining!

10,000 day old man

10000days

Happy Birthday Rhu, ten thousand days old !

 

Very Early Schooldays……..


It’s long been acknowledged, by local historians, that I was solely responsible for transforming the 3rd Clydebank Cub Scouts, from the shambling, soft-toy-cuddling crowd of pansies that I met on Day#1, into a streetwise, neo-Marxist, paramilitary unit.
By changing our name to ‘The Shining Path of Boyle Street’, we went on to sell more programmes than anyone else, in the entire history of The Singers’ Games. We then gave all the resulting proceeds and wooden thre’pennies to the poor and starving of Linnvale.
Then, quite suddenly, following an emotional fracas with my ‘Sixer’, when we’d only just failed , with a pocket full of old pennies,to de-rail The Last Auchenshuggle and also to simultaneously lead a successful coup against an ideologically  weakened Akela, a long brewing struggle, namely his Fidel to my Guevara, finally came to a head.

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That night, with a heavy heart,I said goodbye to my ‘men’ and set off for the jungles of Dalmuir; an area which, in those days, was still relatively, and happily, free of trans-fatty acid residues. I stole lead off church roofs, to fund the publishing of my pamphlets, and in one show of bravado arrived at the scrappy’s with the hour hand from Singers Clock.

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1959 Whitecrook
– Dropped my tin of spelling letters in an unusual moment of carelessness. The words therein, spilling out in the particular order that they did, immediately revealed to the authorities that I must be be cognizant with, at the very least,  Satan.
Tied to a stake, a  certain Doctor Lawson was then my cruel inquisitor. As he told me yet another story about the travails of Wee Willie, I screamed from boredom, asking him to stop, and swore that one day I would  get a photograph  and exact my revenge.

1960 Linnvale – Now north of the canal, my horizons widened. I was expelled for dosing the school milk, with LSD, at Easter Parade.
Several children were immediately hospitalised. Some of them; Willie Wilson, Gazebo etc. never actually made it ‘all the way back’ and, to this day, still talk to their giant rabbits about the size and price of chocolate eggs!

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1961 Drumry
– Didn’t like the look of the menu for School Dinners at Drumry.
Quit!
However, not before appropriating the school’s impressive Meccano set and building and stealing a  new full scale mobile demolition device.

1962 Kilbowie
– a heated dispute regarding the interpretation of the rules concerning the Sack Race at Sports Day saw me wave farewell to Mr Conkie for the second and final time. Quit!

Psalms 118:24 - free chalkboard art download: The Lord, Chalkboards Scriptures, Chalkboards Art, Chalk Boards, Chalkboards Printable, Chalkboards Prints, Free Printable, Scriptures Art, Psalms 118 24

1963 Dalmuir
– Didn’t attend class too often, to be honest. Instead I elected to play pinochle and smoke cigars with my cronies. Many happy days spent in a canal-side cabin close to the Dumbarton Road bridge reading Parade, Mayfair and The Adventures of Dan Dare. Kept the authorities in the dark, by chalking daily scriptures on a roadside blackboard for all to see.

 

1964 Goldenhill – passed myself of as a Seer, predicting that one day the Kilbowie ‘crossroads’ would mutate into ‘an Island’.
One playtime, I got over enthusiastic and ran amok with my Drumry Meccano creation. Expelled!!!

1965 Edinbarnet – Actually too embarrassed to talk about this one. After this incident it was a rendition flight to the High School. Things were never the same!